Hey, fellow Russians! My advice to any
of you who wish to travel abroad is always simple! Consult Doktor Trivago
before you go! You don’t want to pay more than you have to for a room do you?
After all, your Roubles are worth absolutely nothing! So why waste all those
dollars you have gathered by selling secrets to the West or your children to
Syria paying $100 for a room in, for example, Salisbury, England, when you can
get a bunk-bed room in a stinking part of East London for next to nothing?
Doktor Trivago has thousands of rooms on
his website, and can advise you on a) How to get a false passport, b) How to
avoid contamination by nerve gas and c) What type of prostitute you can bring
with you on your next trip so as to avoid being called “gay” by nasty Western
Europeans who do not understand why two gentlemen tourists like looking at
cathedral spires.
Doktor Trivago has answers to all of
your questions about your travel plans, and even about your plans when you
return home and discover that Mr “Ras” Putin, the head of state, has poisoned
your dogs, demoted you from your position as a Colonel of the GRU and is
keeping you in chains in the basement of his presidential palace in Red Square! Even there you will discover that there are different options of rooms at
different prices, depending on how many fingernails you are prepared to have pulled
out!
