13/10/2018

DOKTOR TRIVAGO




Hey, fellow Russians! My advice to any of you who wish to travel abroad is always simple! Consult Doktor Trivago before you go! You don’t want to pay more than you have to for a room do you? After all, your Roubles are worth absolutely nothing! So why waste all those dollars you have gathered by selling secrets to the West or your children to Syria paying $100 for a room in, for example, Salisbury, England, when you can get a bunk-bed room in a stinking part of East London for next to nothing?

Doktor Trivago has thousands of rooms on his website, and can advise you on a) How to get a false passport, b) How to avoid contamination by nerve gas and c) What type of prostitute you can bring with you on your next trip so as to avoid being called “gay” by nasty Western Europeans who do not understand why two gentlemen tourists like looking at cathedral spires.

Doktor Trivago has answers to all of your questions about your travel plans, and even about your plans when you return home and discover that Mr “Ras” Putin, the head of state, has poisoned your dogs, demoted you from your position as a Colonel of the GRU and is keeping you in chains in the basement of his presidential palace in Red Square! Even there you will discover that there are different options of rooms at different prices, depending on how many fingernails you are prepared to have pulled out!