FRENCH KISSING IN THE UAE

WESTERNERS WHO ENJOY A GOOD SNOG, which is possibly a considerable number of us, would be well advised to avoid visiting places such as Dubai, where, due to local laws, a “British pair” (I am quoting several newspapers) are being held after breaching strict public decency laws. Apparently the “pair”, Mr Ayman Najafi, 24, and Ms Charlotte Lewis, 25, indulged in a kiss on the lips in a restaurant, and may now face a prison sentence after a written complaint lodged at the Dubai Misdemeanours Court by a 38-year-old-mother, who was “shocked” and “distressed” to see such behavior in public.

I HAVE NOTHING BUT SYMPATHY for the mother and her complaint. What would become of our society if we allowed mature adults to behave like teenagers? And I am personally in favour of a blanket ban on kissing in restaurants in general. This is not because I have anything against kissing per se – and indeed, although I do not wish to go into details about my private life in this situation, I am liable to become involved in kissing with my good lady wife at the drop of a hat, as we sometimes say, as well as other items of clothing – but I do think that sexual decorum needs to be maintained in public if we wish to continue to claim our superiority over the animal kingdom.

YET I AM SLIGHTLY CONCERNED as to the full and future well-being of Mr Najafi, who apparently put in a “distraught” phone call to his “distraught mother”, stating that he had done “nothing wrong”, and hoped to “clear his name.” His mother states, we are told, that he would never do anything like this “not even in Britain”.

MY OWN, SOMEWHAT TAINTED, VIEW of these lamentable events is that a man of 24 who would never kiss a woman in public should not be allowed to leave the country, and would perhaps be better off staying in north London forever; he can be of no use to any foreign country in terms of productivity. Another possible option would be to forcibly send such chaps to France for a while before allowing them to “put themselves out there”. The experience gained among the madamoiselles and madames over the channel (as well as a good deal of the gentlemen) will turn any young British labial virgin into a first class puckerer.