CAMERON DEARS

IN WHAT CAN BE SEEN AS AN ATTEMPT to fuse our sexuality into one amorphous mass, much as the Conservatives have done with our politics in their “marriage” to the LibDems, themselves a mongrel mish-mash of Labour, Social Democrats and Liberals, we now have “Dangerous” Dave Cameron allowing his troops to contemplate voting to approve the idea of marriage between people of the same sex.

CAMERON HAS RECENTLY been keen to point out that Britain is NOT one of the two or three places in the world where homosexual marriage is permitted, yet LibDem MP Hippie-Dippie Lynne Choona Featherstone (pictured above), the equalities minister and one of the exciting young girlies that the Conservatives have to accept in this coalition, said the government was considering allowing same-sex couples to include key religious elements in civil partnership ceremonies, despite opposition from the Church of England, effectively making it possible for “marriage” to take place in a pseudo-religious environment.

FEATHERSTONE WILL NOT BE FORCED TO STAND DOWN on the matter, insisting on the rights of these “same-sex couples” to be married in a religious atmosphere. She is not quite so forgiving, however, in relation to those heterosexual men or lesbians who buy The Sun or The Daily Sport (“guaranteed 26 nipples a day”) and enjoy looking at semi-naked girls, stating that she would, were she ever promoted to a proper ministerial post, like to ban naked breasts in national newspapers, if not banning the newspapers themselves.

SOMEONE OUGHT TO HAVE A QUIET WORD in Cameron’s ear; although it is true that politically the LibDems have basically signed their own death warrants by forming this coalition with the big boys in the Conservative Party, the Tories are not doing themselves any favours by putting up with the nonsense the LibDems believe in. Banning The Sun and/or The Daily Sport, both of which are the preferred newspapers of the backbone of Conservative support, would be tantamount to banning the Conservative party itself. And then, to use the language of the editor of the Sport, Pam McVitie, a childhood friend of mine, who in the government would look and feel a right tit?