NOT TONIGHT JULIE GAYET

THE RECENT SCANDAL INVOLVING the photogenic President of France, François Gérard Georges Nicolas Hollande (above) and his possible bonking relationship with actress Julie Gayet (sic) and subsequent hospitalisation of his partner Valérie Trierveiler due to grief and stress, has once again served to show the Anglo-Saxon world the depths to which the European Union has plummeted.

ONCE UPON A TIME we in Britain considered that French gentlemen had a certain savoir-faire and panache, and that French girls had a je-ne-sais-quoi that we did not know what it was until these same girls did it to us, bringing us a joie-de-vivre that was unusual to find on our home shores.

EQUALLY, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN ASSUMED in England that French men enjoyed the idea of dipping their wick in foreign vulva, never managed to get the job fully done but went about the ville bragging about the shagging. So the fact that socialist Monsieur le Président Hollande was caught with his pants down and then refuses to admit he did the dirty, then threatening the press with court action is revealing of what Europe has become.

WHEN DECENT BRITISH POLITICIANS, such as Labour's Robin Cook and John Prescott, and the Conservative Party's John Major, Boris Johnson and David Mellor can openly admit to having a bit of afternoon relaxation with their secretaries, yet the French refuse to admit that this goes on, we can see how the effect of the Euro currency has reduced that once proud nation to a state of wussiness. And once a French wife used to give her errant husband a good smacking, throwing suitcases into the street. Now they check into hospitals.

DOING THINGS THE EUROPEAN WAY

THE RECENT UNPLEASANT SPAT between PM David Cameron and António Guterres, former Portuguese Prime Minister, President of the Socialist International and current United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees proved interesting for more than the obvious reasons.

FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW, Mr Guterres criticised Cameron's plans for restricting immigration into Britain from the rest of the European Union. Cameron, of course, knows full well that nothing will come of these announcements, as unless Britain leaves the EU it will just have to put up with the vast numbers of people arriving in the UK every day, leaving the Republic of Ireland, Portugal and Greece virtually without any young people. The same will happen soon to Romania and Bulgaria.

THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY RESPONSE through its vice-president Bob Neill, was, “We are not going to accept lessons on how to manage our borders from a failed Portuguese Socialist transformed into an unelected UN bureaucrat”, and MP Douglas Carswell said Guterres’ remarks were “foolish” and should be “immediately filed in the waste paper basket”.

GUTERRES MAY BE A LITTLE UPSET by these remarks, despite the fact that they are completely correct, but what seems of more importance to me is the fact that British Conservatives do not seem to understand the European way of playing politics.

UNDER THE SO-CALLED D'HONDT METHOD, invented by the Belgian Victor D'Hondt in 1878, and widely used throughout Europe, rather than the "winner takes all system" we in Britain and our colonial cousins in Canada, the USA and India use, no one is truly "elected". In this system the grandees of the parties sit down at a table and draw up a list of their friends to be elected. The "people" have no choice in this matter, and simply vote for their favourite party without knowing who the candidates are. Those "elected" by the people have no responsibility to the voters, but only to the members of the party with political clout.

THIS IS NOT TOO FAR FROM TOTALITARIANISM, as Mr Cameron should understand, having criticised the system when Nick Clegg wished to introduce it to elections in Britain. But Europeans love it: it means they don't have to think; they don't have to remember anyone's names; all they have to do is tick a box next to a picture -- they don't even have to be able to read. (Which makes one wonder how they digested the party manifesto.)

THE EUROPEAN UNION EMBRACES this system and takes it one step further, through the "nomination" system by which the three most important people in the European Union were chosen. Catherine Ashton, Baroness Ashton of Upholland, was nominated the High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy and Vice-President of the European Commission; Herman von Rumpoy is President of the European Council, and was elected by a secret ballot that is so secret that nobody knows who is allowed to vote; and the much-hated José Manuel Barroso, President of the European Commission, was "invited" to take the position. None of them seems very worried about not having been elected.