AS WE ARE APPARENTLY ABOUT to enter yet another of these turgid, pointless and expensive “G-something” meetings with our friends, colleagues and enemies throughout the world, this time in Pittsburgh, in the USA, the “people of Britain”, according to The Sun and Sky News, are itching to see whether our own leaders will agree to participating in the spectacle of a debate “live” on TV during which time they will, these organs suggest, outline their policies and “bare themselves” (sic) to the British public.
AS HAS BEEN MADE PATENTLY CLEAR in occasional statements I have produced in the past, I am all in favour of our politicians making utter fools of themselves in public, and think that every opportunity should be presented to them, even if this might mean being upstaged by David Frost, the eternal horror of interviewees.
ALBEIT TRUE THAT IN THE LAND OF THE HAMBURGER these debates are common, and result in much whooping and a-whomping in the hinterlands, and although they seem to take place with some regularity on the continent of Europe – certainly in Portugal, where I live – they can surely not be part of our process, unless we are to accept total corruption of our good, homely and wise traditions by the beast Europe, as we do not elect our prime minister in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Any schoolboy should know this, and should know that it is one of the things, like conkers, that make us different from our amusing European friends.
BUT A DEBATE ON TELEVISION WOULD WITHOUT DOUBT generate much-needed product-placement income for the BBC, or advertising revenue for the other channels, so I suggest that a decent option would be to see the future leader of our nation on TV debating with the person he thinks could be the future leader of our nation. In the manner of Dorian Gray, we could just have “Prince of Darkness” Peter Mandelson looking at himself in a mirror for 45 minutes.
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