DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME?

AMONG SOME OF THE MORE SNOBBISH of my friends are those who think that the Conservative Party ought not to be elected into power at the coming elections because they do not “deserve it”. I am not totally clear as to what “it” might be, or as to whether my friends wish to save the Conservatives from upset or to prevent them from glory. Either way, of course, my position is that one gets what one deserves, and if this means having to run the country then so be it.

GENERALLY THERE ARE FEW ADVANTAGES to having a Conservative government, other than the fact that they are utter amateurs at politics and thus leave us all alone to get on with our business, but, somewhat selfishly, I have to confess that I am looking forward to the opportunities for writing provided by the mish-mash of muddle-headed, silver spoon-sucking slimeys lined up for cabinet under our future leader David “Dave” Cameron.

FOREMOST AMONG THESE CLOTS is Baronet Gideon “Boy George” Osborne (depicted above), for some absurd reason forwarded by “Dave” as the man who will do the sums under a future Conservative government. One suspects that Cameron is having a laugh; he is not such an intellectual lightweight to believe that anyone will be happy leaving their finances in Boy George’s hands, unless they need advice about how to escape prosecution after being caught “red-handedly telling lies” (as Gordon Brown states it) over fiddling expenses. At the moment “Boy” Gideon is being investigated by the police over his stealing of public money. I sincerely hope that proceedings are still under way late next year, allowing Gideon to be elected and given the position as Chancellor of the Exchequer; if for no better reason, so we critics will have something to write about.