FOR MANY PEOPLE BRITISH AIRWAYS has always been the sign of Britishness throughout the world. It was a place where one knew that even when bullets were dashing against whatever material they made the fuselage of, one would be safe after boarding, and be snug, comfy and looked after with biscuits and given Earl Grey tea and packets of those little things wrapped in cellophane that are supposed to keep us busy while we try to understand what they are.
THE RECENT “DEAL”, in which Iberia – Spanish Airways, and British Airways have in some manner come together for a “merger” or “fusion” is, to put it bluntly, a licking of the spittle left in the barrel after it has been dealt a fore-handed scraping. Now and, I am told, again, this takes place. As it did when the British Overseas Airways Corporation, British Airways Limited, Cambrian Airways Cardiff, British Caledonian, and, later on Dan Air, came together as one with the Flag. But those days, it may seem, are over.
AS WE ARE GIVEN TO UNDERSTAND, the chaps who run and ruin one of the few symbols of national pride for any country around the world will now, with this fusion, accept that British Airways and Iberia should be called “Topco”. The new company, I am told, is on the market for new “kick-start names” and “market-lead tongue-holders” to be taught as obligatory for anyone who joins the company. Here are my suggestions for First Class slogans, to replace the now old-fashioned “I’m Mandy, fly me” and “You are on the world’s favourite airline, sir”:
“Welcome to British Airways / Breeteechea awayas, hombre”
“Can I have a window seat? / Es un hijo de puta”
“Excuse me, Stewardess… / Holá, Guapa”
“Thank you. You are most kind / De nada, coño, hombre.”
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