HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-DEAD SCOT

MY RECENT CULTURAL TRIP TO LONDON, in the company of my good wife, in order to study the depiction of the reclining nude at several different galleries, was a surprise. Great love for art and literature has always, at least to my mind, meant a sense of intelligence: the desire to understand others always being seen as one involving generosity, goodness, humanity and that spirit that can really only be expressed in ancient languages but which today is often called being “expansive and emotional”.

YET BRITISH PEOPLE ARE SO AFRAID of looking other people in the eyes that they would rather hold a copy of a Brontë, or something by the dreaded Dan Brown, in front of their faces on any mode of transport just to avoid embarrassing eye-contact. Whether they are actually reading or not is anyone’s bet. But seeing a young gentleman totally absorbed in reading a “Harry Potter”, sitting opposite Manet’s intriguing, obscene Déjeuner sur l’herbe, which shows us one prostitute who has been had for lunch and another one who is next on the menu, takes the biscuit.

THIS IS NOT BECAUSE OF POTTER himself, however, a literary figure who should inspire young people, and has done so admirably until now. But a time comes when one should perhaps leave the teenage books alone and get down to the nitty-gritty of practice of being a pre-post-teenager. In real terms this means that most young gentlemen should have a “good few years” when they are not remotely interested in reading.

THIS DOES NOT SEEM TO BE THE CASE with the latest generation of upper middle class chaps. As Potter grows up, and we see his adventures become more in keeping with his readership – as one can see in recent titles, such as Harry Potter and the Stick of Marijuana, Harry Potter and the Glass of Whisky and Harry Potter and the Inside of a Police Car – we see his readership remaining faithful; when they should be getting on with having a life.

YET GOODLY GORDON BROWN thinks otherwise. His government’s latest report suggesting, when one gets down to the basics of it, that traditional middle- and upper-class pleasures such as opium, morphine and violent sex are somehow wrong, while drinking Carlsberg or Heineken until one vomits and passes out on the pavement is acceptable, shows an utter lack of decency on the part of our elected representatives. If we grant him a third term he will end up putting the slimy Potter on the syllabus at universities, or have passages from Harry Potter and the Chalice of Socialism read out at religious ceremonies.