A SPANKING AT BATH

AS A UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR MYSELF, I am naturally interested in how other institutions of higher education carry out their programmes in these difficult times of adapting to the demands of the Bologna Accord, as well as other pressures put upon us with a view to our standardising our practice so that “all over Europe”, as Herman Van Rumpuy-Pumpy, the Belgian President of the European Union, likes to term his geographical office, we will be awarding the same degrees.

BRITAIN, OF COURSE, HAS SNEERED at this matter since its inception and conception. Universities throughout the hills and dales of England and Wales, and particularly in the unpronounceable regions of Scotland, have returned with a resounding negative in relation to the manner of assessing students.

PERHAPS AS A PROTEST, we have seen a university registrar at the University of Bath and later the University of Sussex, Karl Woodgett, a man of 37 years old, but obviously wise beyond his years, handing out degree certificates to black African women in exchange for spanking sessions. None of this may seem odd to those who went to university at Cambridge, Oxford or any of the Scottish Schools, but I do feel that some protest should be brought about in relation to the underhand manner of this business being conducted.

THE PRICE OF THE DEGREES awarded by the University of Bath ranged from £500 for a straightforward 2.2 degree (which any dimwit can obtain nowadays) to a £1,000 for a Masters with Distinction, involving regular spanking sessions at hotels in the city of Bath itself. Both the prosecutor (James Ward) and the judge, Justice David Ticehurst, were uncompromising in their condemnation, with Ward stating, in the name of the UK Border Agency, “He did not want (this woman) for sex but to indulge his spanking fetish with her because she had a black bottom.'' I do not think that this is the way forward for higher education in Britain, but it may be better than what Europe will eventually want us to do.