LE LOOK MIDDLETON

TRAVELLING THROUGH LONDON LAST WEDNESDAY served once again to remind me what buffoons French people are. My arrival at Gatwick Village International Airport, my brief stay fathoming out its arcane wonders, my train journey to Victoria, my ride through London on the number 73 bus from Victoria to Euston Square and my short stay in Euston before being whisked off by train to more civilized climes in aristocratic Chester – all of this was punctuated by shrieks of delight from giggly French girly girls who had descended upon our capital in search of all and anything related to the forthcoming royal wedding.

MANY OF THESE JEUNES had already adopted “le look Middleton”: boring blazer-style double-breasted coat with big buttons, navy blue skirt, blue stockings, blue shoes or Ugg boots and windswept hair. While this style of dress is no example of buffoonery, what we are witnessing is fanaticism for things royale by children of a nation that was happy in the extreme to cut the heads off their own aristocracy in the hope of a better society. Some chance. If they had kept their own lunatic rulers they might be saving some money now.

PERHAPS MANY OF THESE GIGGLIES think that they might have a chance at Harry, the most – this pains me to state it – eligible bachelor on the planet. If they do, they will be aware that for girlies like Kate one can gain the world on a wing with the only concession being that on occasion one has to lie back, close one’s eyes, open one’s legs and think of England. Added to this is the fact that the men in the Windsor clan do not seem to be the type to want to “do the naughty with their fillies”, as I am informed they term having a full, loving, sexual relationship with their wives to mean, very often, so the job should not be too demanding.

FULL MARKS ALSO FOR OUR VERY OWN QUEEN ELIZABETH. She has not only made it clear that she does not want “cheap” souvenirs on sale involving our lovey-dovey royals, but has forbidden the regal lovebirds from endorsing such tat. One may think, of course, about the meaning that Elizabeth grants to “cheap”. I presume that she means she does not want to see dish-cloths and toilet paper with Kate and Wills on them. If so, she may be in for a little jolt of the voltage: the girly girl Frenchies were already holding whoopee cushions with Kate’s face on them, lunch boxes with the smiling couple beaming halitosis to us and, of all things, “Kate Middleton lipstick”, on sale at Victoria Station. I am disgusted. (My picture shows Kate expressing her disgust.)