SO ADIEU THEN

WITH A BIT OF LUCK AND GOOD WEATHER, by next Monday the world will be free of Nicolas “Fifi” Sarkozy, the present president of France and debonair bon vivant responsible for at least an attempt to rehabilitate the global image of the French male after several years of their being referred to as “foul-smelling, snail-eating surrender monkeys”.

ALAS! A PART OF ME believes that, even after all his efforts, M. Sarkozy’s tenure at the helm of La Belle France has not managed to give it the public image in the eyes of the world that it has in the eyes of French men. Of course this does not mean that we do not recognise here in the United Kingdom that French men have a certain je ne sais quoi which will never be bestowed upon our politicians in Britain, most of whom either look uncomfortable in a suit (the Labour Party) or uncomfortable in a job (the Conservatives) or just uncomfortable to be alive (the LibDems).

MUCH MORE LIKE A BRITISH POLITICIAN is the dullard François Hollande, the likely winner on Sunday, a man as exciting as a week-old croissant and, after he wins, bound to become the most forgettable French politician since Édouard Daladier.

BUT BEFORE WE SAY ADIEU to Sarkozy, we must remember his most recent contribution to the health of democracy. Yesterday he stated that if he loses on Sunday he will retire from politics. At a time when one of the most problematic issues of modern politics is the fact that hardly anyone bothers to turn up to vote, Sarkozy’s statement is surely an incentive for punters to turn up and vote against him: I have never voted, as in my opinion no politician I have ever been able to vote for has been deserving of my trust, but I can guarantee that I would vote every time if I knew that my vote might contribute towards getting someone out of politics.

ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, I am slightly worried about the state of France. Once again I was recently forced to pass through the country en route to Portugal, spending a night in Paris. What I can say is that in comparison to a few years ago, I sense that most French people look somewhat downhearted, or even bored. As I sometimes say about depression in general, my opinion about the French people nowadays is that they need a good shagging. But the only one who looks like she is getting this is Christine Lagarde, the French head of the International Monetary Fund, who took over from Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who apparently did his best to get a bit of action but was unsuccessful.