2012: A YEAR IN WORDS

 

FOR MANY PEOPLE TODAY the year of 2012 was probably one to forget, although in my opinion many of these good folk will be looking back in a few years’ time and wishing they were back in what they will then see as ‘the good old days’, given the financial disaster that is surely to come. This is because it is patently evident from the discourse being used by our politicians that the south of Europe and the Republic of Ireland are about to go down the toilet permanently and a good deal of the north will follow a few flushes later, after vain attempts to “rescue” the weaker countries. Very few of my readers will know what happens when one tries to pull a turd out of a toilet; even without this experience, I feel free to state that the result will be a handful of shit.

 

NEVERTHELESS, THE YEAR NOW ENDED has been one of extraordinary triumph and happiness for a great number of people, and I feel it is somewhat in my duty to provide a brief summary of all that has been splendid.

 

IN THE FIELD OF SPORT the year was exceptional. Britain won the Olympics, the Tour de France bicycle race, and England won the soccer World Cup in the sense that the Spanish team included players who play in London. Unfortunately, England and Britain have a habit of teaching foreigners how to play the sports we invent and then we are very quickly thrashed by whomever these foreigners happen to be: Australians at cricket, the entire planet at football, Americans at golf, the Swiss at tennis, the Irish at snooker and the Canadians at curling, so it is always nice to see a touch of success.

 

IN THE VAST AREA OF ENTERTAINMENT, once again Britain proved that there is no match for the TV we produce. Downton Abbey was the hit of the year, although Sir James “Jimmy” Savile with his programme “Jim’ll Fix It” gave it a run for its money.

 

IN THE ECONOMY, we still have the pound, and thanks to the gains made by U£IP and its courageous leader Nigel Farage, we should be able to finally get out of this European mess some time in the near future.

 

THERE WERE LOW POINTS OF COURSE, as there always must be. Two of these low points were Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge’s breasts. The size of which suggest that the future king or queen of the United Kingdom of England and Scotland and Northern Ireland will be getting their milk out of a bottle. Which is a shame.

 

NEVERTHELESS, THE LOWEST POINT OF A MIXED year has to be the ludicrous decision by the Scandinavian Nobel authorities to award the Peace Prize to the European Union. This has to be some form of joke, given that riots have been taking place on the streets of Athens, Rome, Naples, Madrid, Lisbon and Paris more or less constantly since March 2012. If this is the peace that the EU brings us all, then requiescat in pace. Please.