EURODISNEYLAND

THE SOI-DISANT EUROPEAN COMMISSION was already a bunch of fools and madmen when it was headed by the absurd fascist clown José Manuel Barroso, with his arrogant ideas about saving the planet by banning 100 watt light bulbs and giving every washing machine and fridge an "eco" rating certificate which we now know was all a pack of lies.

BARROSO'S "CULTURAL PROJECT" for Europe was supposed to end up with us all being a sort of European version of the United States. However, although I know that Barroso is a limited person on the intellectual level, I find it difficult to believe that anyone with a smattering of intelligence could imagine that a literally fantastic system like this could work, with honest, hard-working clean Lutherans living on the same level as toothless ruffians who spend most waking hours lounging around semi-naked in cemented gardens outside houses without proper furniture inside.

WE REGULARLY HEAR ABOUT THE EU being "the world's biggest market" and how Britain will miss out on the possibility of trade. Yet of the 300 million people in the Union only about 40 million are prepared or able to spend cash on goods; the Puritans in the north, in Holland, Denmark, Sweden and northern Germany are generally afraid of being ostentatious with their money as they think they will go to Hell if they do.

THE EASTERN EUROPEANS, when they don't bury their money in the garden or put it in plastic bags and sink it into the well in the yard, waste it on building houses that they never finish; the Spanish, Italians, Greeks and Portuguese are perfectly happy to be ostentatious, and thus we have people who do not have enough money to change their underwear on a regular basis putting down deposits on expensive cars and houses which will be repossessed after a few months.

SO MUCH FOR THE MARKET over the last ten years. But Jean-Claude Juncker has taken this cultural megalomania to new heights in publishing a medal table which shows that the "nation" which won most medals at the Olympics was in fact the European Union.

OF COURSE THIS WOULD be perfectly legitimate if there were such a thing as a European Union team -- which the Eurocrats probably have wet dreams about -- but there isn't. How Juncker believes he can make a medal table grouping together nations which actually competed against each other at the games is beyond me. But so is so much about the fantasy land that is the European Union.

MAGNIFICENT BACKDROP

ONCE AGAIN TEAM GB has done well in the water at the Olympic Games, winning several of the sailing events. In an interview on the BBC with one of the ladies who won gold, she said how wonderful she felt and particularly referred to the magnificent backdrop for the event.

I PRESUME SHE WAS referring to the mountains around Guanabara Bay, Sugar Loaf Mountain and the Christ the Redeemer statue glaring down at a city that needs quite a lot of redemption. 

HOWEVER, THE REAL BACKDROP to this year's games is something more sinister: a human leg was found floating in the sailing arena and a severed woman's bottom washed up on the beach and was discovered by children paddling. A Rio police spokesman said this was a "regular occurrence" in the area. "He was probably cut up by one of the drugs gangs," he added.

US SWIMMERS GUNNAR BENTZ and Jack Conger were dragged off a plane and arrested after police believed that they invented a story about being robbed at gunpoint by criminals posing as policemen. A British athlete was in fact robbed at gunpoint, and yesterday all athletes were prohibited from leaving the athletics arena.

THE HEAD OF THE KENYAN team, Major Michael Rotich, has been sent home after being filmed asking for a £10,000 bribe for warning his athletes about when drugs testing was about to take place. 

BOXING JUDGES HAVE BEEN sent home after it was discovered they were making "wrong" decisions in boxing matches, particularly in favour of Russian boxers.

AND THE IRISH HEAD of the European Olympic Committee, Pat Hickey, was arrested after being found hiding naked in his son's hotel room in Rio. According to Detective Ronaldo Oliveira he had been illegally selling thousands of tickets over face value with the possibility of making a profit of up to three million US dollars.

(My photo shows a shoreline of Guanabara Bay that the cameras religiously avoid)

DEAD IN THE WATER

AS I HAVEN'T HAD A LOT TO DO over the last few days, I have been watching the so-called Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro on television. I predicted some time ago (see Sunday Mornings passim) that this would be an utter and total disaster.

BUT I HAD NO IDEA how bad it could be. If anyone watches the coverage on a terrestrial channel they will only receive what is being filmed by the Brazilian people responsible.

ALL OF THE CAMERA ANGLES are wrong, the close-ups are too close, the voice-overs and voice-offs are an impenetrable wall of sound, something like what ended up getting Phil Spector into prison for the rest of his life.

AS ROWING AND SWIMMING are a little boring to watch, I occasionally take my mind off the subject and busy myself doing something else. But when a rowing team loses a race because a tiny crab hits an oar, slowing them down, I feel I am watching a comedy. To put the final punchline in all of this, the Croatian rowing pair who have just become "Olympic Champions" are named Sinkovic.

(My photo shows one of the several thousand military policemen needed to protect the rowing pool)

PARTY GOD

CIRCUMSTANCE HAS LEFT ME with my youngest son (I actually wrote "sin" originally) for the time being. These circumstances involve me having to watch whatever is on the television that he is not watching because he is playing with any number of mobile devices that are within his reach, unless it is the cat, which he now and again realises doesn't need batteries.

SO I AM INDULGING a little, earlier today on the sofa, watching the Canadian programme on Cartoon Network, called Adventure Time, There appears a horrendous, bearded, growling, gruffling, grunting animal. I ask him what it is: "It's a 'Party God'", says my son, with me thinking about the wrong vowel I might have put in the previous paragraph.  Party God? Yes, he tells me. I actually think this would be nice if it didn't look like a wolf and promised to be nice to me. But then it doesn't.

THESE ARE THE WORDS our children understand and we will never know anything about. Should we care? My photo shows a 'Party God'. There are lots more. Vote for them. They need your support.