MIND THE GAP

ONE IS ALWAYS PLEASED TO SEE MINOR members of the Royal Family making fools of themselves, if only for the fact that this may lead the average “punter”, as I believe I have to term the lower class voters nowadays, to turn at least sightly against them. Knowing full well that this will never happen, Princess Eugenie Victoria Helena thinks that she can spend her “gap” year making a fool not only of herself, whenever a Daily Mail photographer is on or at hand, but also making a fool of the liitle old ladies who knitted scarf upon scarf to send off to the soldiers fighting to defend Britain from precisely the sort of tottie toff that is now scuppering our economy in blind ignorance of rules of decorum.

THE AMOUNT OF MONEY BEING SPENT on having two permanent policemen looking after our princess while she is on her gap year flitting about in the far east is probably enough to keep many pensioners in hip operations for years to come; but, then, they don’t really need it, do they? And, obviously, she does need a bit of whisky, beer and dancing on the bar in oriental haunts. It must keep her trim.

IN THE MEANTIME I AM REMINDED of Godzilla, a much misunderstood and oft-maligned do-gooder mistaken for a ne’er-do-well who had it upon himself to wreak havoc in the East, ending up destroying the Diet Building in Tokyo, perhaps because, as local legend always has it, not enough virgins were sacrificed to appease him.