THE DESERT SONG

THE MORE ONE SEES HILLARY CLINTON ON TELEVISION the more I give thanks to the powers on high for allowing Americans to momentarily go colourblind and elect Barack Hussein Obama as their leader. While there can be no doubt that Hillary is at the cutting edge of contemporary fashion design in her choice of eye-catching outfits, it is becoming increasingly apparent that she has less of an idea about foreign policy than George W. Bush. At the moment she is swishing around Arabia attempting to gather support for the USA in yet another incursion to save the world. Earlier this evening we heard her state the absurd: “There can be no doubt that Libyans are safer tonight than they were yesterday.”

FETCHING FASHION ICON HILLARY went on, speaking in Morocco, to announce the great benefits coming down the turnpike that King Mohammed VI has apparently agreed to announce to commemorate Clinton’s no doubt fleeting interest in his country as a base for US aircraft, avoiding having to make the round trip from Missouri with Stealth aircraft at a cost of billions of US tax dollars. Mohammed of Morocco happily promised today that from “sometime soon in the future” he will be allowing “women to go to school for longer” and stand for election. If the result is politicians like Hillary then perhaps we might all be better off if they stay at home and groom their goats, or go about stealing from tourists, begging, or sleeping with men for money like their husbands do.

COMEDIAN BOB HOPE HAD A RUNNING JOKE he often used about Washington DC. Feigning ignorance and imagining a United States capital in Arabia, he would often quip, “Isn’t it somewhere in the Middle East?” Hope, of course was referring to the middle of the east coast of the USA, but listening to Clinton’s vacuous and tenuous grasp of world politics makes one long for President Bush’s Hope-style gaffes. At least they were honest mistakes.

THE DISTURBANCES IN THE ARABIAS AND THE MAGREB have somewhat distracted me from my intended purpose in spreading the word about the new version of the operetta The Desert Song, which I discovered recently via the technology of the Internet. Here it is:

Part One: The Road to Morocco

French General Nicolas “Napoleon” Sarkozy has been sent to Morocco to root out and destroy the Spliffs, a band of Arab rebels who threaten the safety of the French outpost in the Moroccan desert. Their dashing, daredevil leader is the mysterious Red Shadow, aka "Ka-da-fi", reputedly a Frenchman, but suspected to be an Arab aristocrat who owns many things in Britain including the London School of Economics and three British Members of Parliament.

Part Two: Sand in their Eyes

Margot Bonvalet Clinton, an innocent American girl, is in Morocco to be married at the French fort to Sarkozy's right-hand man, Captain “Scarlet” Cameron, and go on a honeymoon to Libya. Sarkozy secretly loves Margot, but has to pretend to be a useless, ineffective, socialist, unimaginative, milksop to preserve his integrity and maintain his position back in France, where the population likes these qualities. Margot tells Nicolas that she secretly yearns to be swept into the arms of some bold, dashing sheik, perhaps even the Red Shadow himself. Nicolas, pretending to be the "Ka-da-fi", the Red Shadow, kidnaps Margot and declares his love for her.

Part Three: The Road to Nowhere

Margot Clinton wakes up to face her abductor Nicolas, who, strangely for a Frenchman, treats her with every western consideration. When Cameron comes face to face with General “Napoleon” Sarkozy over the love of Clinton we will see the final conflict between these two powers. Puffed up Sarkozy challenges Cameron to a duel. Skirting behind the scenes are Clinton and her servants, including Berlusconi, the sinuous and secretive native dancing girl who will do anything for money.

Meanwhile Sky News and CNN provide comic relief. Eventually, the real identity of those who intervene is discovered, a deal is struck with the Spliffs, and Sarkozy, Cameron and Clinton live happily ever after.