FIFA FO-FUM

SEPP BELLEND BLATTER has been no stranger to Sunday Morning as he goes about his selfless task of bringing happiness and joy to a considerable number of people through his promoting of the beautiful game of football. Unfortunately, of late it has once again become fashionable to accuse Mr Blatter of corruption over becoming elected head of FIFA (again) and over the methods of choosing the host nations for the coming world cup competitions.

THE CHOICE OF QATAR, that renowned footballing nation, with an average temperature of 45º Centigrade in the summer months, is said by some to have been facilitated by bribes, something which Blatter has defended by stating “I knew that people said they were going to bribe the delegates, but I have no knowledge that they actually did so.” Meaning that he is innocent. Blatter is no doubt correct when he states that football is bigger than these corruption charges and that the happiness it brings makes everything worthwhile; in this opinion he is probably joined by eight FIFA representatives who have been made extremely happy over the years and especially happy by voting for Qatar to hold the 2018 world cup.

QATAR, THE RICHEST NATION ON THE PLANET, and one of the few countries to still allow slavery under the kafeel system, is an inspired choice for football, particularly in the light of a couple of statements recently by the enlightened Mr Blatter. Firstly, when in a country which executes homosexuals, Blatter has suggested, gay footballers should cease all sexual activity; one also wonders, considering that Blatter has stated that women footballers should look a “bit more sexy” by wearing low-cut sweaters and tight shorts, “like beach volleyball girls”, whether he is prepared to allow all these tits ‘n’ asses to go on show in Qatar, where female footballers (and indeed beach volley girls) would be raped, flogged and stoned to death (presumably in that order). However, as in 1998 and 2002, Blatter will probably be elected again tomorrow and life will go on.