NOT A GREAT
DEAL HAS BEEN HEARD of late from the good people who make it their business to
trot the globe and tell us that we are doing untold ill to our planet by merely
being here and depositing what they call our “carbon footprint” on whatever it
is that they deem should not be carbon-footprinted.
INDEED, GIVEN
THAT OUR VERY OWN Prince Charles, darling spokesperson of the “speak to your
vegetables and they will be good to you” brigade, has had myriad things to do
of late and thus has not been forcing his vegetable philosophy down our necks
too much, the eco-warriors have had little to do in the light of the press
being more concerned with the fact that the world economy is about to be
deflated up its own anal cavity.
THIS IS
DISTRESSING NEWS for yoga “teachers”, vegetable “healers”, sparkling stone “readers”
– all of whom discover that their clients were really-not-what-you-might-call-a-hundred-percent convinced of
the curative powers of the “let’s all face the sun and say ‘Hello’” approach to
health, now that money for sending Jeremy and Jemimah to private school is at the
top of the list.
BUT OUR STOLID
AND SOLID defenders dither not. And such determination has resulted, as we all
now know, in the “ten minutes that saved the planet”, recently voted at the
United Nations summit on climate change in Durban. The event had taken place
over six days, involving delegates from 194 countries, all of them, as well as
their wives, mistresses and sundry children and hangers-on (in the case of some
of the Asian and African and Arabian delegates) struggling to come up with a
way to save the world from utter destruction, which they did in the countdown
of mere minutes to the end of the conference before a positive vote was agreed
upon, saving my life and your lives.
WE ARE NOW
ASSURED, after this summer meeting in South Africa, that the agreements
suggested at the last meeting in Bali, as well as the one in Cancun, Mexico,
may be carried forward to the next meeting in some other splendid resort
capable of housing 977 delegates as well as their entourages so that they may
discuss how to reduce our carbon footprints even more.
YET WHAT, PEOPLE
MAY ASK, are the resolutions that will save us so? What is it that will make me
feel safe about my grandchildren’s futures? What will 190-odd world leaders
sign to make sure we don’t end up a burnt ruin like those things we see on the
Discovery Channel.
NEVER FEAR:
HERE is that resolution which, so I am told – and for which you are paying –
will guarantee the future “on this planet” for eons to come: “All United
Nations parties commit to a protocol, another legal instrument or an agreed
outcome with legal force that will be decided in 2015 and come into force in
2020.”
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