BELLEND, BOOK AND BACKHANDLE

SENSITIVE AND KIND-HEARTED PEOPLE will no doubt share my sportsmanlike attitude towards recently re-elected elderly president of FIFA Joseph S. Bellend Blatter, the victim of a cruel campaign by the United States government and the British media over allegations that, as he himself termed it, "wrongdoing" had been enacted by members of the governing body of the world football association.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH, as we all know now, and, as he stated yesterday, if it had been the case he would not have known anything about it but has nevertheless been doing his best to stop it happening, although it wasn't happening, over the last four years, and has this morning announced that he has a plan to stop what wasn't happening happening anymore within the next four years.

WHILE THIS IS EXCELLENT ALBEIT PUZZLING NEWS, it should not be allowed to overshadow the recent announcement by former British Prime Minister the Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton "Tony" Blair that he is standing down as Middle-East special peace envoy after successfully completing his mission.

ALL DECENT PEOPLE WILL SURELY JOIN with me in congratulating Mr Blair for his good work over the recent years, now that we have arrived at a situation of peace in the middle east that is unprecedented in its scope. I must admit that although I have not been an assiduous visitor to the region in the past, I am now tempted to take my good lady wife on a relaxing shopping trip to Syria later in the year.

YET EVEN MR BLAIR pales in comparison with the achievements of former Portuguese socialist prime minister and electrician António Manuel de Oliveira Guterres, who was appointed in 2005 as the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. His ten-year tenure as the single and most highly-paid official in charge of solving the problems of refugees throughout the world has been a resounding success.

THANKS TO THESE GOOD PEOPLE, it is clear today that there has never been a better time to be a refugee, a citizen of a Middle-Eastern country or a member of a football confederation in a third world country. Or perhaps more specifically, to be one of the three gentlemen mentioned above, with a collective, undeclared, but estimated earning capacity of over 600 million US dollars per annum. Tips not included.