THE LABOUR PARTY

WHEN IT WAS ANNOUNCED earlier today that Catherine Elizabeth "Kate" née Middleton, nowadays the Duchess of Cambridge, had gone into labour there were whoops of joy from those involved with the media throughout the countries who care about such matters. The atmosphere in front of the Lindo Wing of St Mary's Hospital was that of a party; more specifically that of people who had been sitting around in the cold and drizzle for two weeks waiting for a party to start.

 

FIRSTLY, OF COURSE, THERE WAS the fact -- almost explicitly admitted live on Sky TV by a fruity, girly journalist from a French glossy magazine -- that news outlets worldwide would now be able to call their correspondents back to their desks instead of allowing them to carry on with their exorbitant expenses while they look into blank lenses at closed hospital doors and spend money in London cocktail bars.

 

SECONDLY, THIS MEANT THAT we would soon be able to see the appearance at the same doors of dapper, balding Prince William and his wife, the Duchess of Cambridge, giving a much-needed boost to two of the most relevant campaigns in recent history: fresh calls for the succession to skip the mentally-challenged Prince Charles in favour of his son, and a welcome fillip to the British fashion industry as half of the young 30-something ladies in Britain and almost all of the same type of women in France go out to buy whatever she is wearing, or at least a copy of it, hurriedly produced by Primark and cobbled together in Hindustan.

 

BUT THE HAPPIEST FOLKS this morning in the run-up to next Thursday's General Election will no doubt be the members of and those who follow David Cameron's Conservative and Unionist Party. The birth of something royal, with the subsequent unfurling of the Union Flag and Standard, tends to naturally make people feel more British. This will certainly put the dampers on the campaign being waged by the Scottish Nationalist Party, and may adversely affect Ed Miliband's anti-nationalistic, pro-European stance.

 

WHETHER, HOWEVER, ONE SHOULD agree with David Cameron's absurd statement that "the birth of a royal baby makes the whole nation feel happy" is rather more questionable. And even if many people who were feeling depressed suddenly do feel happy about babies being born, then I am sure that Cameron will find ways to return them to their current state when he introduces cuts in children's benefits after he is returned to office next Thursday.