ALTHOUGH MOST SENSIBLE British people pay hardly any attention to French language classes unless they are taught by a girlie with a bit of a pout, the one takeaway we get from hours of boredom while the assistant, with his cravat and dark navy bleu jacket that all the female teachers love and the over-the-top accent telling the girls about how Cointreau is made, is that we don't have to do physics while these chaps swan about the school.
THE FRENCH REVOLUTION, HOWEVER, is something that many bright young students looking forward to going to university, or "Uni", as these children call it nowadays, need to study.
IT WAS A BRUTAL PERIOD, made indescribably boring by the absence of any good pictures of the chaps and ladies involved, apart from a couple of paintings showing a one-breasted battleaxe who could perhaps do with a couple of days in the gym.
THE MATTER IS THAT it is estimated that between 1789 and 1797 over 1,500 elderly priests (as have been classified) were taken out of their beds at night, often hanged, sometimes whipped and humiliated publicly, made to fellate locals, on many occasions publicly buggered by the local "buggerer" (who usually worked at the forge) or forced into daemonic confessions with the threat of having hot irons inserted into them. Which were inserted anyway.
EVERY SCHOOLBOY KNOWS that "La France" is proud of its revolutionary history. And that what happened in France, all those years ago, paved the way for the 'democracy' we have today. Later on today we will probably get another swivel-eyed poetic discourse about nothing in particular from the French president.
AND SO TODAY? Someone can walk into a church while a Roman Catholic priest is saying Mass and cut his head off? M. Hollande, you are in a direct line, defending the values of the revolution: anyone can kill, rape, kidnap, murder or mutilate anyone else -- that is "Liberty, Equality.." and where is the fraternity?
In big bank accounts throughout the globe. And yours, in particular.
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